The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
