The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize