You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
