More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
