I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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