Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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