Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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