did you get engaged???
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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