just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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