im about as happy as oj after his trial
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
