The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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