he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
