are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
