she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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