Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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