She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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