like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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