I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
