I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
