Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
