There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
