I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
