Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
