Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
