I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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