I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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