I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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