There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
