There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
