So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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