last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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