I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
