I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
