she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize