Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
