Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
