I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
