somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
