There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize