But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
