nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i will never coherently bang her
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
