omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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