i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
