im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
