K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
