do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
