im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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