last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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