he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
