I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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