i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
