Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
