Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
