i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
