Will you blow on my dice?
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I will die if light touches me.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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