your thong is hanging out like whoa
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
