And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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