he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
