Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Even my vagina gasped.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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