i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
