You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
