i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
