You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
