kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
