How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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