I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
