try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
