Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
