xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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