ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
