My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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