puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
