No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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