I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
