If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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