to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Randomize