I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
