its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Randomize
