If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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