Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
