So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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