just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sorry about my life...
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