just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
