i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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