I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
