How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
