Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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