he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
