is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
