Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
