Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
