I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
