maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
