Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
