If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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