Someone shit on the floor
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
