Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
